I read this article is one magazine in our Library.. :) Enjoy Reading!
No one enters a serious romantic
relationship anticipating a breakup, but it can happen. And no relationship is
immune; Breaking up with someone you deeply care about can mean a bitter fall
from the heights of joy to the depths rejection. Dreams can turn to nightmares
and desires drown to depression. However, a broken heart need not leave you in
pieces. When your relationship is on the rocks, here’s how to keep yourself
together.
1. Don’t fall apart, Instead, take a deep breath.
Smile,
even though faintly, and calmly say, “I’m sorry you feel this way, I was hoping
our relationship would be a long-term one. But I respect you too much to try to
force you to love me. I hope we can remain friends, but most important thing is
to allow God to lead us and hopefully pave the way for continuing friendship,
even though it’s not a growing one. You don’t have to part enemies.
2. Don’t do something foolish.
A breakup is not
the end of the world, regardless of your pain. The feelings of rejection are
temporary. Don’t do something impulsive that may alter your life significantly.
Unconsciously
you may feel that if you do something traumatic, your ex will feel sorry for
you and a comeback. This seldom happens. Instead, your foolish actions are
message to the person that your are unstable and that the breakup was probably
a good idea.
3. Don’t turn bitter and try to get back at the person who has rejected
you with, what I call psychological murder.
Words said at the
time of breakup can be deadly. No matter how hurt and angry you may be because
of the way you have been treated, if you say hateful things and assassinate his
or her character, it’s almost impossible to resurrect a friendship. Remember,
vengeful feelings and actions have a tendency to boomerang, and you may end up
being the person hurt most deeply.
4. Don’t Beg.
“Oh John, I just
can’t live without you. Your mean everything to me. Please, let’s try again.
Please! Please! Please!... If that’s
your attitude the other person may end up going to great lengths to avoid you
and the guilt feelings you have caused hin or her to experience. No matter what
you think, you can live without that person. You may not feel that you can- but
you can! Keep telling yourself that.
5. Don’t isolate yourself after a breakup.
When you’re
hurting, you need friends who will support you. Allow yourself your friends to
comfort you and to be a sounding board for your feelings. Rejection makes you
want to hide rather that socialize with others who may ask questions or feel
sorry for you.
You
may want to spend time alone to sort out your feelings, but as soon as
possible, get back into society. Do things that you enjoy. Keep busy. Set new
goals and move decisively in that direction, step out and get involve in
healing others. Healing will come much more quickly this way.
6. Don’t be ashamed to grieve over your loss.
The more serious
your relationship, the more painful a breakup will be and the more will need
time to grieve. During this time you may go through four different stages. At
first you may deny that the breakup is actually happening. “He just infatuated
with this other girl and will return to me. ”
or “It’s just her time to the month. In a week or so things will be OK.”
As
it begins to dawn upon you that this breakup is real, you may experience anger
toward the person. Here’s where you have to guard yourself carefully so you
don’t act out your angry feelings in an attempt to get back at that person.
The
third stage is not to blame yourself for what has happened. “If only..” you may
need to discuss your feelings with others so they can help you sort out the
reality of the situation from your irrational thoughts. Talk about what you did
or didn’t do to cause the break up. Don’t blame yourself unnecessarily; this
will only add feelings of guilt to your load of grief.
Finally,
true grief takes over when you realize and accept your breakup. Probably the
best thing you can do when the full impact hits is to have a good long cry. Sob
your heart out. It will help. It really will.
During
this grieving period you can find
comfort in the Scriptures. See if it isn’t a comfortable to read such passages
a Psalm 23, 27, and 121. And remember, “the LORD is near to those who have broken heart” (Psalm 43:18 NIV).
7. Don’t jump immediately into another relationship.
You need time to
heal. The more serious your relationship, the more time you’ll need. You may be
very vulnerable during this period. Because you are used to being close to
another person, you may now crave loneliness.
8. Don’t punish yourself.
Rejection causes
feelings of self-doubt and sometimes self-hate. Don’t fall into the trap of
equating your value to whether or not you can hold relationship together.
Accept God’s value. Because He made you and died for you. Your are of supreme
value to Him. To help you over this period of self-blame, you may have to
practice some positive self-talk. Remind yourself of all your good qualities.
9. Treat the other person kindly.
There is good counsel in the proverb that
says, “If your enemy is hungry, give him food! If he is thirsty, give him
something to drink. This will make him feel ashamed of himself, and God will
reward you” (Proverbs 22: 21-22. Why no do the unexpected and say something
nice about the other person? I have feeling it will surprise him or her, and
you will probably find your feelings of rejection will heal faster when bathed
in a positive spirit.
10. Don’t give up on God.
Now
is the time to lean on Him. Let His Spirit talk to you and minister to your
needs. By now you maybe thinking, I could never react on breakup in a manner
that is so cool, calm, and collected. I could never react with such
understanding. That’s because most of us allow our feelings to dictate our
actions. Breaking up cause’s feelings of
guilt, alienation, rejection and revenge. Too often, without realizing it, we
react negatively. God’s way is the opposite. As Paul the apostles says: “So be
careful how you act; these are difficult days. Don’t be fools; be wise; the
most of every opportunity you have for doing good. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but
wants you to” Ephesians 5:15-17
